My mother passed away last week, which made for the worst spring break ever. I took a week off from work and classes, but I am already back in action, whether I feel ready for it or not. And in fact, I do not really feel ready for it, but there is nothing to be gained by moping about feeling sorry for myself.
Losing Mom is at once easier and harder than losing my little brother Neil was, just over 5 years ago. Neil’s death was truly tragic; he was only 16 when he was killed, and there was much family strife over it. Mom’s death is similarly unexpected but there are no arguments or finger-pointing, nothing but selfish sorrow. Things never went right for Mom after we lost Neil; we all comfort ourselves by believing that they are together now, and Mom is finally at peace with him.
In that sense, it has been easier to lose Mom than it was losing Neil. On the other hand, I really wanted Mom to be at graduation, to visit Everett and me in Syracuse when we get a house, and to be there for me for so many other things. I wanted her to finish her PhD before I finish mine; instead, we had to recycle her dissertation work last week. Mom was a part of my vision for the future in a way that Neil never was, and has always been so important to me that it’s still hard to imagine life without her, even though that’s the life I’m now living.
I am grateful for the support of my friends and family in such times; I owe enormous thanks to the people who have sent flowers and plants, made us food while I’ve been too preoccupied to even think about eating, and are helping us deal with Mom’s estate. It’s been a tough time and I’m very glad to have the support of so many good people.